…, Dilbert." The Boss says, "Now I'll have Tina add an impractical maintenance requirement to the manual and we're ready to go." Dilbert says, "What?" The Boss says, "It's standard procedure." The Boss says, "Say the user needs to lube the product ten time a day with the wax from a bear's ear." The Boss…
"I need a cost estimate on your project." "I have no idea I haven't even gathered the userrequirements." "Don't worry I won't hold you to the estimate." "Yes you will. You will put it in the plan, forget we had this conversation, and fire me when I go over budget." "Give me a number or I'll fire you…
"Why is your project months behind?" "I still don't have the user'srequirements because she's a complete nut job." "It's your job to manage that process!" "I complained to her boss, who promptly misinterpreted the problem and ordered her to work on the wrong stuff." "Then every member of her family…
Dilbert says to The Boss, "I can't start the project because the user won't give me his requirements." The Boss replies, "Start making something anyway. Otherwise we'll look unhelpful." Dilbert says, "So, our plan is to cleverly hide our competence." The Boss responds, "You think too much."
Dilbert is meeting with a client. Dilbert says, "I'll design the system as soon as you give me the userrequirements." The client responds, "Better yet, you could build the system, then I'll tell your boss that it doesn't meet my needs." Dilbert says, "I don't mean to frighten you, but you'll have to…
Dilbert is talking to a worker. Holding a list, Dilbert says, "Your userrequirements include four hundred features." Dilbert continues, "Do you realize that no human would be able to use a product with that level of complexity?" The worker says, "Good point. I'd better add 'easy to use' to the list…
