…"What's taking you so long to fix the control management system?" Dilbert says, "Your leadership has taught me to give you laughably unrealistic timelines, then blame others when I miss deadlines." The Boss says, "You're not even doing that right." Dilbert says, "I guess I need more of your leadership…
The Boss says, "Let's figure out a timeline for deployment." Dilbert says, "Ted is the only one who knows anything about that, and he's on vacation." The Boss says, "Let's see how far we can get without Ted." Alice says, "You mean without knowledge or insight?" The Boss says, "We can make reasonable…
"May I see the vacation schedule?" "Why do you want it?" "No reason." "Well, Ted, I hope you're enjoying your vacation." "Wally, do you have the cost estimates?" "I'm waiting for Ted's input. He's on vacation." "How about the revised time-line?" "I'm waiting for Ted." "Do you need any office…
"What does MFU2 mean on your timeline?" "That's Management Foul-Up number two. It usually happens around the third week." "We don't anticipate any management mistakes." "That's MFU1."
"The project was moving along well until management changed our coding language and methodology." "Now our timeline is represented by this M.C. Escher print of an endless stairway." "This deep-sea submarine is looking for our morale." "Would this be a bad time to add a few features?"
…do I make this software schedule one person to two tasks at the same time?" Dilbert responds, "I can write a patch that inserts new months in the timeline." The Boss approaches Alice and says, "And the second task is due on the fifteenth of Floopuary."
