Wally in Marketing "According to my market research, ninety percent of your customers..." "...'fantasize about beating you to death with your stupid product.'" "What about the other ten percent?" "They asked for your company address but didn't say why."
"I did a statistical analysis and found no correlation between my efforts and my rewards." "I felt adrift in a sea of randomness and absurd, devoid of purpose, lost." "And then I got paid and I purchased some unnecessary merchandise and now I feel fine." "Lactation can't be far behind."
"The highly productive but useless guy" "Here's a copy of my white paper." "It's a statistical analysis of the correlation between disk storage and employee absenteeism." "I don't know how to do statistics but it doesn't matter because I didn't have data."
…Boss continues, "It's an unlucky guy named Karl who had been warned many times not to feed the birds." The Boss continues, "Then it talks about statistical clustering.. blah, blah, blah.. and serving an example."
Dilbert and Kenny sit at a conference table. Kenny tells a customer, "No one has ever been fired for buying our product!" Dilbert adds, "That's true." Dilbert says, "There IS the occasional savage beating . . . and more than our share of suicides . . ." Kenny looks angry. Dilbert continues, "But…
"Two people in a focus group loved our product. So we're doubling our production." "The opinions of two people are not statistically useful." "...Especially if you're one of the two people." "I knew those free sandwiches were too good to be true."