The boss says, "Get us some risk management software." Dilbert says, "What can risk management software tell you that common sense and experience can't?" The boss says, "Data." Dilbert says, "Stop failin the turing test!"
"I made a typo in my annual budget request, but don't worry." "There are only two things you can't buy for the test lab this year." "Hardware and software."
"You eliminated the budget for automated testsoftware. How are we going to test our new code?" "Go write some automated testsoftware, you big baby. I already pay you, so it's free." "Today I learned I can end any conversation by calling the other person a big baby." "Waa-waa! Do you want your bottle?…
"Having two computers is a violation of the company's 5S rules of standardized workspace." "I need two computers to test my software. There's no way to do my job with one." "I have a compromise solution. Put this little red tag on one of them and tell me later if anything bad happens."
"My stock-picking software needs more features." "I think I'll add a module that claims to make hair grow on bald guys. I'll first test it on a rat." "I feel a new one on my buttocks!" "That's all the proof I need."
"Our new chip is slower than our competition's products." "We'll claim we're the fastest. If anyone does benchmark tests, we'll say they used old drivers." "Whenever I talk to you, I feel like I should be wearing a wire." "Since when is marketing a crime?"
