The Boss says, "Let's schedule a scenario-based roundtable discussion about our enterprise project management." The Boss says, "We'll use our infrastructure survey tool to architect a risk-based tiering system." Dilbert says, "That almost meant something." Wally says, "I'm tempted to stop acting randomly…
Dilbert says, "Our riskmanagement software says your idea is too risky." The boss says, "Try reducing one of the inputs." Dilbert says, "Which one?" the boss says, "Honesty" Dilbert says, "I just threw up in my mouth."
The boss says, "Get us some riskmanagement software." Dilbert says, "What can riskmanagement software tell you that common sense and experience can't?" The boss says, "Data." Dilbert says, "Stop failin the turing test!"
Certified Project Management Zombie "Let's review our assumptions, risks, and constraints." "Your project management style is putting my joi de vivre at risk." "It's funny because I don't have any."
Alice says, to the boss, "As requested, I did a "riskmanagement" assessment." Alice points to a picture of the boss with a zero over his head. Alice says, "I concluded that there was no risk of any management." Alice says, "Do you have anything to add?" The boss says, "I'll get back to you."
…Dilbert, "We'll need a risk analysis on this project before I can approve it." He hands Dilbert some papers. Dilbert types on his computer: Risk 1 Indecisiveness, Risk 2 Overanalysis, Risk 3: Cluelessness, Risk 4: Micromanagement... The Boss says, "I don't understand these risks,." Dilbert says, "That's…
