The Boss says, "Maybe someone can help you quantify the value of your research and development work." Dilbert says, "The only people who can quantify the value of research are liars and morons." The Boss says, "Maybe we could hire a consultant." Dilbert says, "That just turns a liar into a thief."
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "I'm nearing retirement, so fire the research and development group." Dogbert says, "The cost cutting will goose my stock options so I can cash out before the death spiral." The boss says, "Please don't make the noise." Dogbert says, "Too late! Cha-Ching!"
"There's a job opening for an engineer in research and development!" "It's a chance to escape the mismanaged futility of my current job and live the dream!" "Hey, there's an opening for a new manager of research and development!"
"Ted, what's the budget for Research and Development?" "It's confidential. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. Hee hee!" "I've never heard that one. It's very witty." "Allow me to show my appreciation with the following fake laugh." "HA HA HA HA HA HA!!" "HA HA HA HA HA!!!" "Those are my…
…meeting, "The future of the company depends on new product revenue." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question: Is that why you slashed the research and development budget?" The Boss replies, "If you're so smart, let's see you describe our future without using the word 'doomed.'"
Wally says to the Boss: "One out of ten research and development projects will succeed." He continues: "I recommend cancelling the other nine." Sitting at lunch with his co-workers, Wally says: "I wonder where he gets all these crazy ideas."
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