Dogbert the Generic Manager Man says, "We need more people on the project." Dogbert says, "Figure it out. Work smarter not harder. Make a plan. Move some things around. Adjust priorities. Just get it done. Give me a statusreport." Man says, "That did nothing but make me hate you." Dogbert says, "I can…
"When will I get your projectstatus report?" "You're asking for a statusreport on the status of the status report?" "Right. When can I get that?" "It's starting to look like infinity."
"My project has been infected by attractive people." "As you know, attractive people are unproductive." "The problem is compounded when you put several of them in the same room." "They've already started to pair off." "I've got four love triangles and six divorces." "All of my statusreports say, and…
"Alice, can you show the new guy how to do a projectstatus report?" "He doesn't read them, so we all use a random phrase generator. I'll e-mail it to you." "You said that in front of him." "He only listens when he's talking."
…"Projected return on research capital." "Is muskrat the enterprise software project?" "Um... No... That would be project muskrat." "Cancel project musk ox, move the staff over to project zebra, delay panda and squirrel and give me a statusreport on proboscis monkey." "We don't have any projects with…
"Lately I am overcome with doubt that you read my statusreports." "Asok, the biggest value of a statusreport is that it makes you consider all the costs of your project." "Actually, that is the biggest value of a business plan or a budget." "Whatever. Throw it on the pile."
