The Boss says, "Let's schedule a scenario-based roundtable discussion about our enterprise project management." The Boss says, "We'll use our infrastructure survey tool to architect a risk-based tiering system." Dilbert says, "That almost meant something." Wally says, "I'm tempted to stop acting randomly…
Dilbert says, "the biggest risk to the project is our own thundering incompetence." Duh! Dilbert says, "It is a known fact that every project has at least one irredeemable imbecile." The boss says, "I have a vague, uneasy feeling about your clip art."
"And Wally, did you finish your project tasks for today?" "No. I took a calculated risk that other people would not finish their tasks either, making my lateness totally irrelevant." "Um..." "That is the worst..." "I need another week."
Certified Project Management Zombie "Let's review our assumptions, risks, and constraints." "Your project management style is putting my joi de vivre at risk." "It's funny because I don't have any."
…" "Oh yeah? Then how did they build pyramids?" "Do some research on that question and get back to us next week" "Next on the agenda: why do our projects take so long?" "What?"
…Dilbert, "We'll need a risk analysis on this project before I can approve it." He hands Dilbert some papers. Dilbert types on his computer: Risk 1 Indecisiveness, Risk 2 Overanalysis, Risk 3: Cluelessness, Risk 4: Micromanagement... The Boss says, "I don't understand these risks,." Dilbert says, "That's…
