Dilbert says, "You wrote that your objective for the year is to?" The Boss says, "?Obscurely toil to increase the unearned wealth of our parasitic stockholders." The Boss says, "I'll add 'and managers.'"
Dilbert says, "There's no objective standard for measuring how much I should accomplish in any given day." Dilbert says, "Nor can we really know if things would have turned out better had I don't things differently." The Boss says, "Do you have a point?" Dilbert says, "I'm going home early. See if you…
Dilbert says, "My invention can scan a person's brain and predict his buying decisions." Dilbert says, "It says you plan to buy... a blunt object so you can kill me and claim credit for my invention." Dilbert says, "I anticipated that, which is why I included a feature to microwave the offending part…
The Boss says, "We start shipping in two weeks." Dilbert says, "That's not enough time to fix the known bugs." The Boss says, "When you say, 'bugs,' that's sort of a gray area." Dilbert says, "Um... I don't think it is." The Boss says, "For example, a user might need several steps to do something…
Mordac, the preventer of information service Mordac says ,"Cloud computing is no good because strangers would have access to our data." Dilbert says, "I trust encryption way more than I trust speck-eared sociopaths." Dilbert says, "When you mention a person's ears, he won't listen to the rest of…
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "We're going into the internet news business." Dilbert says, "We're hiring reporters?" Dogbert says, "No, we'll summarize stories from other sites and provide links." Dilbert says, "So...we'll be parasites?" Dogbert says, "Go buy a vinyl record, Grandpa."
