The Boss says, "Wally, I need you to train the new mailroom guy." Wally says, "Why me?" The Boss says, "Because he's unimportant and you're worthless." Wally says, "Okay, I was worried that it was the other way around." Wally says, "All important messages are sent by e-mail." Wally says, "So your job…
Beth says, "As the marketing manager for social media, my job is to use these two words a lot." Beth says, "Marketing through social media is like herding cats. And just to make it interesting, many of the cats are drunk and stupid." Dilbert says, "Burn." Catbert says, "I am totally defriending…
The Boss says, "Beth is our new marketing manager for social media." The Boss says, "By the way, company policy forbids the use of Facebook and Twitter at work. And we don't trust you to work from home." The Boss says, "If you blog about how lame we are, you're fired!!!" Beth thinks, "First day, not…
The Boss says, "A successful transformation requires employees to feel ownership for the change." Alice says, "Change? What change?" Dilbert says, "Is there something we don't know?" The Boss says, "It's important that everyone has clear roles and responsibilities." Alice says, "What are you trying to…
…process is a substitute for good employees." The Boss says, "The ultimate goal is to simplify our processes so much..." The Boss says, "That we can train chickens to do your jobs in return for pellets." The Boss says, "We'll begin by discussing our process for funding new projects." The Boss says, "Could…
…"Gabe was downsized when his last employer had financial troubles. I was lucky to hire him." Dilbert says, "Because they always downsize their best employees first?" Dilbert says, "Sorry. I didn't mean to put it in context."
