Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "We'll start ten mutualfunds, each with randomly chosen stocks." Dogbert says, "Later we'll build our advertisements around whichever one does the best purely by chance." Dogbert says, "My goal is to be the premier provider of imaginary expertise." Wag! Wag!
Wally says, "I retired from my life of corporate crime and put all of my illicit earnings in a mutualfund." Dilbert says, "How do you know the mutualfund is legitimate?" Wally says, "What?" The boss says, "We got all of the money back?" Dogbert says, "We?"
…"For a 1% annual fee I will invest your money with a certified financial planner." Dogbert says: "He'll charge 1% per year to put your money in mutualfunds that charge 1% per year." The boss asks: "Will I make any money?" Dogbert answers: " I don't see you doing any of the work."
…Dogbert and looks into the TV camera. He says, "My guest today on "Money Chatter" is the head of the "Dogbert MutualFund." The anchorman reads from a paper and says, "It's reported that your fund is the highest performer of the decade. Tell us how you made that happen." Dogbert says, "Okay." Dogbert says…
…performance to the S&P 500 under a common set of assumptions." Dilbert walks away and says, "Oh." A woman says to her husband, "How did our Dogbert fund do?" The husband looks at the earnings statement and says, "Ten percent better than the S&P 500 if it were also managed by an unscrupulous dog."
Bill the Dinosaur says to Dogbert, "I don't understand why any intelligent investor would put money in a fund that has no track record." Dogbert says, "I try to steer clear of intelligent investors." A man comes up and hands Dogbert a bag of money. "Here's my life savings, " he says. The man says,…
