…could eat?" Wally says, "I'm not going to eat it. I just like to microwave things that smell bad." Wally says, "After I stopped caring about my jobperformance, it was a slippery slope to complete sociopathy." Wally says, "It's a liberating feeling. I can't remember the last time I felt bad." Carol says…
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "Our concern for wellness is related to your jobperformance." Catbert says, "Obviously you won't be getting an ergonomically correct chair any time soon." Catbert says, "And feel free to type as hard as you want."
…tax guy." "Then he'll do a recap of recent reality TV shows." "And last but not least, 'The way we did it at my last job.'" sob "How do you plan to cut expenses?" "Well, performance bonuses are under control."
…management performance has been abysmal. I'm afraid I have to minimize you." "Minimize? Is that like downsize?" "Downsizing is only for non-managers." "Abysmal managers get minimized. Follow me." "Your new office is the size of a refrigerator crisper." "You will have no direct reports and your job title will…
…last job was international pop star?" "Right." "Hey, I recognize you! I bought your new CD." "No you didn't." "When I say bought I mean downloaded." "Exactly. I didn't sell one CD. Everyone downloaded it." "Weren't you already rich?" "My business manager stole everything." "You could perform live."…
Job Applicant "How do you reward your top performers?" "I keep increasing their work loads until their performances become average." "So, why would anyone try to excel?" "I use only the finest motivational posters."
