The Boss says, "Let's schedule a scenario-based roundtable discussion about our enterprise project management." The Boss says, "We'll use our infrastructure survey tool to architect a risk-based tiering system." Dilbert says, "That almost meant something." Wally says, "I'm tempted to stop acting…
Man says, "I just got my MBA, and I'm here to solve all of your problems." Dilbert says, "Our products are junk and we're completely out of capital." Man says, "Have you tried jargon?"
"I can't develop an automated testing system by the arbitrary deadline you set." "Try working smarter, not harder, with a sense of urgency, and a bias for action." "Or maybe you could do something differently." "I'm not the one who can't get his work done."
"This week I mapped and gapped the requirements to consolidate everything into a program of work..." "...to maximize synergy capture and optimize our resource utilization." "If any of that sounded like work, I'll do some more of it next week."
"Is your plan consistent with our corporate strategy?" "How would I know?" "Don't you know our strategy?" "No. Do you?" "Of course I do. It's something about leveraging our platforms." "Does your plan leverage our platforms?" "No, but I can rewrite my plan so it seems as if it does." "Good. Go back…
"Carol, schedule a staff meeting." "What's the topic?" "I plan to fuse Six Sigma with lean methods to eliminate the gap between our strategy and our objectives." "I'll just say 'Waste of time'."
