"My accomplishments this month include complying with our ISO9000, Sarbanes-Oxley and SEI-5 policies." "And if you make a new policy, I will comply with it so fast it will make your head spin!" "Is it my imagination or is pretending to work getting easier?"
Dilbert sits at his computer and thinks, "They can make me work in a little box, but they can't crush my spirit." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Our ISO9000 Coordinator died of boredom. You'll have to do his job plus yours." Dilbert's head sinks to his chest as The Boss says, "And one of the Quality Assurance…
Wally, the boss, and Dilbert are in a meeting. The boss says, "In addition to ISO9000, we will strive to be QS-9000 compliant." The boss continues, "That means falsifying the following documents: QSR, APQP, FMEA, MSA, SPC, PPAP and QSA." "Remember, you can't spell compliance without "liance"..."
The boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at the conference table. The boss says, "Our annual ISO9000 audit is next week." The boss says, "We can pass the audit if we put all our non-conforming documents in the trucks of our cars." Wally says, "Doesn't that defeat the purpose of a voluntary audit?" The boss…
Dilbert approaches Carol and says, "I need to document your procedures. It's an ISO9000 requirement." Dilbert starts writing as he asks, "So...the engineers submit their time cards and then you do what?" Carol points to her desk and says, "I put them in a pile until I'm sure that they're all here.…
Dilbert is in his cubicle. The Boss says, "I'm putting you in charge of getting ISO 14000 certification." Dilbert says, "What's the difference between that and ISO 9000?" The Boss says, "About 6000," and laughs. As The Boss walks off he says, "Hey, I think I'll use that at the stockholder meeting!" Dilbert…
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