…Dilbert while standing at his desk, "I need you to work on a highly confidential project. When you're done, I want you to dig over your own shallow grave and beat yourself to death with a shovel." Dilbert then asks, "Why does it feel as if my entire career has been preparation for this project?" The Boss…
…"My plan is to get hired for several jobs and replace myself with low-paid look-alikes in each one." Man says, "My plan is to bury you in a shallow grave and assume your identity." Wally says, "You don't interview well."
…support...and donating blood...and working as a male escort." Catbert says, "I don't need the details." Asok the intern says, "Running guns...Robbing graves...Starting a hedge fund..."`
A man says, "Who are we waiting for?" Dilbert says, "Alice. She has poor time management skills." Dilbert says, "But she'll try to dress it up by saying she's in high demand." Dilbert says, "Why do I suddenly feel the coldness of the grave?"
…dressed as lifeguards are throwing me anvils." "My job has convinced me that life is a stale joke with no punch line." "I long for the comfort of the grave." "Next time just say 'it's fine.'" "I enjoy our talks." "It's fine."
Employee Orientation "This job will leave you with no time for exercise." "You will work long hours and consume trans fats until you are shaped like this." "On a positive note, our payroll deduction service allows you to save money for dirt to turn your cubicle into a burial site."
