Carol says, "This office is freezing. Why aren't you cold?" Dilbert says, "My brain is much larger than yours. It heats my entire body when I think." Dilbert says, "But whatever you're doing now seems to be working too." Carol thinks, "#!*$0!%"
"All attempts to train you have failed." "But I don't want to fire you because there's a hiring freeze and I can't backfill." "So I've decided to scale back your responsibilities." "Where do you want these?"
…are so wrong! Let's make a bet. The loser has to jump into that freezing pond." "Fine. I'll do a search on my wireless computer. Here you go: A base tan provides only a negligible SPF 4 protection." "I'm not jumping into that freezing pond." PUSH "You were already ignorant and contentious. I didn't…
"I couldn't buy the software I need to do my job because of your freeze on expenses." "And our I.S. policy says I can't use the freeware version that is readily available." "So I used the week to develop some new coffee-sipping noises."
"You have to have a leadership succession plan." "There's a freeze on hiring, so you'll have to pick someone from your staff." "So, if something horrible happened to you, I'd get a promotion?" "This was a bad idea."
"Wally, I'm rating you "good" but not because you are." "Company policy says I have to fire anyone rated lower than food, and the hiring freeze means it would shrink my empire." "So you can get paid for doing nothing as long as you don't kill anyone." "I can't promise that."
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