Dilbert says, "I feel like a failure. Say something to cheer me up?" Dogbert says, "Happiness comes from comparing yourself to a reference group that is relatively worse off." Dogbert says, "You're a successful member of the reference group." Dilbert says, "And that's not nothing!"
…clarity, we'll miss the the deadline. If I don't, our bid will either be below our cost or too high to win." Dilbert continues, "Which path of certain failure do you prefer?" The Boss states, "I like the one that makes you work the hardest."
Dilbert says, "We launched our revamped website today." Dilbert says, "All of the technology we used is already obsolete and every vendor we hired is out of business." Dilbert says, "?And it just crashed." Dilbert says, "I miss the days when we had brief windows of success."
…can't offer as much as other guys." Dilbert says, "I spend my days clinging to the walls of my fabric-covered box while being consumed by a vortex of failure." Woman says, "But long term?" Dilbert says, "Probably choke to death on an olive."
Dilbert says, "Our project plan is so complicated that failure is assured." Dilbert says, "But complexity is too abstract for you to manage, so instead you will spray me energy into the vortex of failure." Dilbert says, "Go." The Boss says, "I need you to finish it six weeks sooner for a trade show…
The Boss says, "Can you get me some failure estimates for our next gen product?" Dilbert says, "I can if you like numbers that are based on hallucinated assumptions." The Boss says, "I kind of do." Dilbert says, "I think we have an understanding."
