"Welcome to Dogbert's deeply discounted motivational speakers bureau." "I need a slightly motivational speaker and I don't have much budget." "I want to inspire my employees to work harder, without motivating them to seek better jobs." "I recommend Robbie, the frightening hobo." "Does he talk about…
"I'll bring you on as a contract employee." "Then I'll keep you motivated by dangling the carrot of becoming a regular employee." "Your first mistake was assuming that he understands metaphors."
…bring glory to the company and delight our shareholders!" "How about this one?" "Nope. Not challenging enough. I'll give it to one of the less motivatedemployees."
"Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources." "Don't rate any employees "excellent" because then they'd deserve raises." "Don't give any bad ratings either because it would reflect poorly on your ability to hire and motivate people." "How will I make the useless people feel bad if I'm rating them "good…
The Boss stands at a podium and says, "The 'Employee of the Year' Award goes to.. no one." The Boss' voice continues, "Thanks for coming. Better luck next year." Dilbert and Wally are walking out. Dilbert says, "It's not as bad as the time that you won it." Wally responds, "Jealousy is unattractive.…
Catbert stands on The Boss' desk and says, "We can't afford to hire qualified employees." Catbert continues, "My plan is to hire dumb people and be angry at them." Catbert replies, "I forget - what's the word for pretending that people can change their basic nature?" The Boss replies, "Motivation?"